Photo: Dr. Hernando Chaves, 2009
PSYCHOTHERAPY
Psychotherapy is the professional care of another by a qualified provider. This care is provided
through the use of talk and communication.
I am licensed by the state of California as a MFT (Marriage and Family Therapist) (MFC39060).
Most of the work I do is insight-oriented customized psychotherapy with sexual minority people.
Insight-oriented means a focus on the client expanding their awareness or consciousness, through
a variety of therapeutic interventions. Customized means that each client is different and would
benefit from interventions from a variety of schools of psychology and other domains of interest,
not just one cookie cutter approach for every client. Psychotherapy means caring for the well-being
of another. I do insight-oriented customized psychotherapy with erotic minority people. These folks
include, but are not limited to: BDSM kinkyfolk of every gender and orientation, modern couples
(lifestyle, swingers, open marriage), poly-folk (of every faith or of no faith), fetishists and paraphiliacs,
sex workers and sex industrialists, gays, lesbians, and my bi tribe. Many clients have reported to me
feeling judged by psychotherapists who don't really understand erotic minority people. And countless
times I've heard that in years of treatment with previous therapists, they never once discussed sex.
You can talk to me about sexuality concerns as much as you want to: it's my field of expertise.
Clients:
I work with individual adults, adult couples, and families of any construction including polyamorous constellations, Master/slave, species-diverse. I've worked with polygamous Muslims and Orthodox Jews, people of every color and gender, Hindus in arranged marriages, Buddhists, Sikhs, Baha'i, Zoroastrians. I'm well-versed in Islamic women's sexualities. I led a psychotherapy group of clergy sex offenders for a year, and learned that faith matters. I've worked with people into piss-play, scat, pedophilia, interspecies, consensual adult incest, and other "nasty" things most psychotherapists can't handle. My office is wheelchair accessible and all are welcome, even monogamous vanilla straight people. : )
It is unethical, in my opinion, for me to work with people having active substance abuse issues, such as crystal meth or alcohol, until they get a grip on this powerful problem. I'm a 12-Step-friendly therapist here, and recommend SCA over SA and SAA. I am of service to folks actively in recovery from impulse control struggles: AA, DA, NA, OA, SCA, SLAA.
Presenting Concerns:
Some people present to me with concerns for sex therapy or family therapy, and these cases are explained under those headings.
Most individuals who present to me for psychotherapy have concerns about how they are living their lives. Maybe something important is missing, or perhaps something specific is not working anymore. Some have come to realize that an aspect of their personality ain't so pretty: now a conscious struggle. They may present with concerns about life choices in career, family, health, love, sexuality, or relationships. Some folks are experiencing major life changes or transitions: launching the last child, death of someone significant, the end of an era. People go to psychotherapy for lots of reasons. Sometimes people want a witness or navigator as they approach and embrace a new eroticism or a developing sexual orientation, with new rules and languages to learn.
Others are in therapy to find meaning in their existence, or to welcome a more inspirited path. Some take a vow to become enlightened for the sake of all living beings.
Style:
The style of psychotherapy I do (my theoretical orientation) is what many therapists refer to as eclectic. This eclectic method of psychotherapy incorporates differing schools of psychology into a special blend to suit each client's needs. The therapist and patient can collaborate on what strategies for treatment may be most beneficial.
My work has a strong foundation in the Humanist and Existential schools of psychotherapy, a client-focused energy dynamic. With unconditional positive regard for the clients' journey and for actualizing their full human potential, we work at accepting and honoring what is manifesting right here and now. In this paradigm the therapist may challenge the client to view their situation from a different, or expanded perspective. This alternate view may be disturbing, as it is intended to disrupt the client's familiar but problematic story. This method of psychotherapeutic communication is enhanced by the compassion teachings of Virginia Satir; various faith traditions, especially Hinduism and Buddhism; and current research into neuroscience.
There is a framework of Psychoanalytic, or Object-Relations throughout my work. My supervisor was a holocaust survivor who was very old-school. This psychoanalytic lineage comes from Sigmund Freud, and has evolved into object-relations and Self Psychology. Through good enough witnessing by the therapist, the client can achieve a corrective emotional experience. In this modality, psychoanalytic interpretations are made by the therapist to the client which, if well executed and received, can have a profound effect for the client. This psychoanalytic method can work well with Humanist/Existentialism by utilizing the patient/therapist relationship as a catalyst for a better understanding of what patterns the client may be employing in their interpersonal relationships.
Occasionally I enjoy working from a post-modern Narrative Therapy paradigm. We all get stuck in our stories, some people looping over and over in their heads. Sometimes we tell ourselves that we are a certain way, even when most others view us differently. We are impermanent beings, always in a state of change. To adapt, we all need to get some new stories going on, and to remember that it's okay to have more than one person and more than one story in you. I promote my clients engaging "Multiple Personality Order" (William Henkin). For example, I know a woman who is a professional executive, a soccer mom, and a kinky sub all in the same day. In utilizing Narrative therapy, we look for exceptions to problem saturated stories. This is a collaborative approach which can create unique outcomes.
For the more inspirationally inclined clients, the bhakti yogis and pagan-mates, our work can include teachings from these traditions: mindfulness practice, mantra devotion, and creating ritual.
Every client is different with their own unique needs and different styles of communication. I encourage people seeking a therapist to shop around first, and find someone you feel really comfortable with before settling in for the work of your hero's journey. Onward! Compassion is only a few breaths away.